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August 22nd, 2008 @ 3:45am
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PRIVATE.
I'm sitting here and I keep hearing that word on TV. Gay. Not even Aqua Teen is safe to watch anymore. It makes me sick. For so long I was able to pretend. To tell myself I wasn't. That I'm just not interested in sex. But I am, just gay sex, I guess. I hate myself for it. Everyone hates me already. Being gay is just the icing on the cake.
Tommy knows I'm acting weird. I don't know how much he sees. I hate him for it. I hate him for knowing and hate him for the hate that he'll have for me, when he finds out. Every time he looks at me, I swear he knows I haven't kept down a meal since I did...what I did. I know he knows why I spend so much time in the bathroom. It won't be long until he tells and I have to see a shrink. The shrink will try and tell me it's okay but its not okay! It's not and it never will be because Tommy will hate me and that will be worse than anything else.
Panic attacks are getting worse. Hit at any time. Think about this or school coming up and I can't breathe and my heart races and I hope for death. But every time my breath evens out and I'm okay. How long until someone other than Tommy sees it? He promised not to tell. What if he goes back on it? I can't sit and talk with someone about me. I can't do it. They'll know everything and then they'll tell Lucy and Jess and Tommy and that'll be that. They'll get rid of me. Who wants a depressed, anxious, self harming, gay teen around? No one.
I don't even want to be around me.
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July 30th, 2008 @ 3:52pm
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THE CARTOONIST beat up THE HARRY POTTER FAN last week.
THE CARTOONIST has a notebook full of drawings of THE CLOSTED HOMOSEXUAL.
THE NEW KID has a different father than THE CARTOONIST.
1st Period: Creative Writing
2nd Period: Psychology
3rd Period: Team P.E.
4th Period: Anatomy & Physiology
5th Period: Lunch
6th Period: Drawing & Painting 1
7th Period: Precalculus
8th Period: Drama 1
Sports:
Soccer, varsity
clubs:
Art Club, member
Film Club, member
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